Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
