you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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