is your mom at the bar?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
