one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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