I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
