I love black thongs
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
