why didn't you poke me back
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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