evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
