i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
