We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
