Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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