I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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