We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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