You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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