Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
