If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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