it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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