quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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