You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
