Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
