and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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