APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
