my phone needs a breathalizer
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
