Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Randomize
