1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
