I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
