When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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