I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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