I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
The adults are the big ones right?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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