So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
