So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
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Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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