Small penises have feelings too.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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