i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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