I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
