His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
