Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
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Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
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A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.