1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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