Dude i fell asleep inside of her
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.