how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
She even gives head with a lisp.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.