rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.