i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
