Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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