So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
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THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
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I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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