I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Randomize
