Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
