put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I intend to get homeless drunk
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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