Don't you send me to vm
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
