dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
