Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
