The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
