Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
the raccoons are back...
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