I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
