now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
