My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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