Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize
