How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
You ruined the universe
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
