i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Mom said you looked used
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
