4 words: hood of his car
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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