she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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