Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Did I show you my penis last night?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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