she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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