just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
