I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
