nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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